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Posts Tagged ‘personal identity’

Here is the second dream for John from the same night, and it continues the thread of understanding our fundamental connection between our personal energies and the energies that surround us, both seen and unseen. For clarity, John uses the term “Cat” in the dream to describe a Caterpillar bulldozer. (For the prior dream, see Feeling the Vibrations.)

(At the end of this post there are instructions and a link to download this recording to your computer.)

John: Then I had this next dream that for all intents and purposes appears very, very dense.

In that dream it’s like I’m still going to school and I have this person that I know who’s kind of an easygoing guy who has a car. I need to go home to where my mother lives alone. I could try to find another means of transportation but it’s easier to basically catch a ride from him, of which I’m supposed to pay him a little bit to go out of his way even though he lives in the area, too, with his mother I think or family anyway. He feels like he’s all alone in that sense.

But he’s just like a good old boy. I mean, he’s just someone that I know but I don’t know how it is that I know him. I don’t know why it is that he’s a friend, he just happens to be there for convenience purposes as I seek to go home to see my mother who’s living by herself, who has put the house up for sale and there’s a For Sale sign in the yard.

And the yard has grass grown up, it needs mowing and there are weeds and bushes growing that need to be cut, saplings and stuff like, that so it’s obvious nothing is being done to care for this thing. Well, when he comes out I say, “Well this is close enough” and I get out of the car several houses away, going to walk the rest of the way.

I get up and I look at the house and you could hardly see the For Sale sign because of all the weeds or bushes and saplings that have grown up, I suddenly remember I forgot to pay him the $10 for giving me the ride. That suddenly grabs my attention more than anything else as I then go into this spin.

You know, I think I remember what his house looked like where he lives. I’d seen it once. I don’t know how to get there to where it is at. I know it’s in the neighborhood close by, and I figure I’ll recognize it when I see it, so I walk to the end of the block and I see the place that looks very similar to the place where he lives.

It has all the appearances of the outer, but I’m kind of confused because it’s all boarded up, so it must be the wrong house. I don’t have any other conclusion to draw. But then I look over and the house to the right of it is all boarded up too, and it has landscaping pushed around from a Cat [Caterpillar, i.e., bulldozer] and there’s a boulder in the yard and a bunch of dirt piled up and whatnot from pushing things around trying to reshape this or something.

For no apparent reason I walk up to get a closer look, and up over the back of the hillside from the backside of the house suddenly comes this Cat, and its driver is going pell mell in a wild frenzied way. It’s like he’s disturbed.

He glances over and he sees me. His head does a knee jerk. If I’d have expected him to be catatonic like that, I’d have easily hid, but I just stood out in the open to let him see me because I’m not doing anything wrong. I just had meandered over there out of curiosity or something.

But that’s not how he saw it, and he gets immediately livid and first he’s turning as if he’s going to try to bring the Cat up to where I’m at, but he can’t quite do that because of all that has been pushed up and whatnot, and he cycles around to cut me off.

I said, “Have I done anything wrong?” and he says, “It’s too late now.” Then I look to jump then because he’s carrying on like this, that maybe I’ve got to figure out how to get away. And he goes, “Oh what the hell,” and he reaches and he grabs a gun that he has in there, and fortunately I’m able to duck around behind the piles and whatnot, because as far as I could tell he has every intention of shooting me. Whatever it was that set him off to such a point that he can’t think straight, he’s just completely livid about taking care of me.

This was like a loud dream that I had and when I dreamt this I couldn’t figure out what it meant. It’s one of the first times I’ve written a dream down from start to finish and not a clue as to what it means.

Then I started to play with the dynamics of what is going on in this dream, and I had to also look at the theme, which is a very complicated and deepened theme because we have suddenly been shifted to having to recognize that we’re intertwined with the vibrations around us, not with things in an animate way.

In other words, it’s a very slight thing. I mean, it’s kind of stupid that one didn’t think of it this way from the very beginning, that you are entwined with the vibrations around you, the physical objects are lifeless, they’re empty, they’re dormant, they have no aliveness whatsoever. It’s the energetic that you are entwined with.

And perhaps that’s what is bugging you too, in your dream, is that you have to drop this appearance of things and realize that where you’re intertwined, where your attention needs to come to a kind of understanding for shift purposes, is that you encompass the vibrations in life around you and that the physical conditions have nothing to do with anything at all (see Who Are You? and Something’s Missing).

What is alive is those vibrations in the environment and you’re affected by those. That subtle shift is probably very, very important because when you see the things that are going on, some of the craziness that has happened here in the building and all of that, those are all vibrational things that have happened.

The night before I actually could get behind the mentality of why this guy did what he did (see Tearing the Threads). It’s like he’s not able to become comfortable with himself because he’s ranting over certain trends that are going on that bug him.

What he’s not doing is sorting this out from the standpoint of the whole. He’s just sorting it out in terms of his depth of vision and thinking that he has certain entitlements and, in that regard, his actions and his conduct, because he has got this personal selfish motif, his actions and his conduct are hard to understand, are peculiar because he’s coming from this hierarchical, very self -centered image.

That strikes me as bizarre because I’ve never seen anyone look at their surroundings with so much black-and-white attention upon themselves, and not recognizing how it is that one correlates and is correlated to others.

So, what I did was in terms of understanding what it was that made him tick, I understood that through the energetic. I suddenly saw the energetic and how that energetic was because I caught up with how that intertwines. So I have that as a part or component inside of myself upon which I can come close to, to see things.

So then when the dreams last night hit, it was like no more trying to look at peculiarities in the outer, more into realizing that that has nothing to do with anything, that there is the vibration behind that on the inner that is meaningful and you are intertwined with that vibration.

That’s what you are, that’s who you are, that’s how you are, and that you shift to take that in. You let go of the outer appearances and nuances – that only keeps you in a trance – and you look at the vibrational effect of how things are around you and when you do that you find your identity. And doing that enables you to make the shift.

In my particular case it brings out that which is hidden, because when I go home it’s like I haven’t been there forever. And then when I try to take care of some sort of other attendant detail that’s more important than visiting my mother who is trying to sell the house and who knows where she’s going to go to next, it’s almost like does she have a reason to live anymore to be selling the house, and then I place my attention in terms of that can wait as I have to make sure that this person who gave me the ride is properly compensated that I paid my dues and debts.

Instead I seem to run across a renegade raw energy, masculine energy, that’s just livid over something that I’ve apparently done that I don’t even know what I’ve done. I mean, he takes and gets one look at me and he just goes ballistic as I’m just standing out in the open completely in a trance, have no idea.

So livid that he comes directly after me and all of this is in a sequence in which something has been missed energetically because the physical objects around there are… well, the house that my friend probably lived in that would be his home it’s almost like in this dream there is no consequence of time. That’s all boarded up.

I think I’ve made a mistake but maybe not. In other words, identification with physical objects have taken me outside. What your dream indicated was the shift that’s necessary into which one makes this shift. The shift is actually a shift into a recognition of energy and energies that one wasn’t recognizing because they were looking at the house, the appearances of the situation as opposed to the energetics of the situation.

It’s a subtle shift in terms of who you are, recognizing who you are. In my case I can’t recognize who I am because I’m still looking trying to find something specific. I’m still looking at the images per se but not really seeing something more behind it.

In other words, what really is going on with my mother, what really is going on with my friend who also I think is going to visit his mother or something? Is there a responsibility that I’m dropping or losing, causing then something to fall apart in relationship to the mother?

Well, quite likely, on an energetic level, especially if I’m not catching the memo of something in terms of a sight that is infuriating the masculine because I should just automatically know this stuff. In a roundabout way I do know that it’s all energetic, but I guess I still don’t quite fully believe that or something. The fact that I’m looking at appearances, and letting the appearances block out the energetic, and therefore in the flow of the energetic, the energetic, the vibrations are everything, there is no such thing as time.

But in the appearances there’s all kinds of time. I mean you could be standing there looking at something thousands of years old all of a sudden when it wasn’t thousands of years old. The gap is one of being vibrationally disconcerted or not connected or intertwined.

How can you shift if you don’t get it, if you don’t recognize that that’s the place, that’s the place, and you can’t shift as long as you have your identity haywire.

To download this file, Right Click (for PCs) or Control Click (for Macs) and Save: A Subtle Shift

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John: I want to continue the thread from yesterday’s dream that pointed out the limitations we impose upon our selves, and our lives, when we cling to our personal identities. In doing so, we create the separation – the duality – that isolates and alienates us from our natural state of oneness.

The dream pointed out how we are constantly trying to normalize and balance ourselves. When we base our perspective in our ego life, thereby separating us from all that exists, we are in a state of imbalance. Our dreams, in fact all our natural human systems, then offer us an ongoing process to enable us to regain that lost balance.

When we perceive ourselves as separated from the whole of life, we become subject to the peaks and valleys of natural cycles – the ups and downs of living. Ideally, we should evolve through them in a state of vibrational balance where the ups and downs cause minimal disturbance.

Yet in our daily lives, and all our interactions with others, we can see and feel the effects of our imbalance as we watch people continually get thrown by their experiences. When we don’t go up and down with the energetic cycles, we actually minimize the disturbances, and instead experience an expansive insight, which is a much more natural state. We then are not subject to the confusion that prevents us from seeing objectively.

A spiritual journey requires us to resolve these imbalances, otherwise we get lost in them. When we look at the cycles of the planet or the universe, or even a local ecosystem, everything is constantly seeking a state of optimum balance – we humans are the same.

For us, the greater the disturbance and imbalance we experience, the more dense the fight (dense here to mean, ego-based and animal natured, rather than our much higher, light-filled human pedigree).

When we are calm, yet alert, energetically, our knowing is complete. It is our susceptibility to disturbances that lead to our emotional, mental, and spiritual confusion. In my dream I was shown that the greatest balance and clarity existed when an overall calm was carried within, in an attentive way (consciously). This touched life with joyousness.

As human beings we bring into life a differentiation that is misaligned from the wholeness. Therefore we seek the wholeness by means of counterbalancing ourselves vibrationally. For example, a person who is naturally speeded up and is an extrovert, seeks a relationship within the physical world of a softer and more introverted influence.

In other words, the objective is to recognize our energetic confusion, and to then integrate our selves into the harmony of the corresponding and counterbalancing opposites. This cannot be done effectively, however, until we allow ourselves to actually let go of our particular identity.

As long as we defend our separateness, we are influenced by our inner biases. These biases limit our experience, while at the same time cause an uneasiness in the heart (because they are not natural to us). Nevertheless, we seem to defend these limiting patterns in us out of fear of the annihilation that truly letting go would bring about. We may realize intellectually that it’s necessary to break free from the chains of our identity, but we’re afraid to let go of it because we think it keeps us alive – we think it is us. Thing clinging condemns us to a life of repetitive patterns and ongoing confusion felt in the heart.

In other words we feel the pain, the distance, the isolation – all as a reflection of the distance we are from our natural connections to creation. We think that we must belong to ourselves. So we hold onto our individualized separation and our (limited) idea of what is real.

Last night I was shown that our clarity increases as we let go of our separation identity and recognize that we are in a natural flow as life itself. We are not actually in competition or conflict with our environment, we are the environment. We are the essence of the outer physical world, which is realized initially as an inner reflection.

When the inner and outer truly merge, duality and conflict, which are ego-based, disintegrate, and with them, the illusion of our individuality. We then can experience the wholeness that is beyond the limitations of a physical duality.

It’s important to recognize that we must take the first step in the process of uniting inner and outer, by letting go of our need to energetically dramatize the disturbances. With a heartfelt appreciation, our horizon expands. When we are no longer upholding a belief system that fights against the wholeness of life, we can finally embrace life.

That’s the first step of our real journey back to god.

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