Posts Tagged ‘personal indulgence’

tarot-4 copyIs there any experience more common, or more shared by people, than doing things that we know are not good for us? And, of course, this is something we do on many levels, from eating a chocolate bar when we want to be on a diet, to spending time with people who upset us, to more life-risking behavior. Yet it can be just as true when it comes to our spiritual life and beliefs: we can still allow simple personal involvements to pull us away from our connected state. The problem with that is, higher connections need consistency, and constancy, from us, to know that we are safe for them. It is our actions and intentions that woo them, but they can’t stay with us if we are unreliable.  (At the end of this post there are instructions and a link to download this recording to your computer.)

John: Well, in my dreams, I had to put it all together because the bits and pieces went somewhere, but there was still something so much more. And so even this meditation dream and the bits and piece is part of a much larger component of an unfoldment.

In the meditation dream, I am noticing that the identifications I have towards a myriad of outer things is actually an unnatural condition. In other words, it’s not natural to have all of the orientation to the outer, because my natural state is one of silence and stillness. That’s what the God essence is all about.

However, my being is on tilt. I beat up on myself senselessly over and over again with outer indulgences. You would think that I would eventually get it: that in order to feel whole one needs to be still, that my deviations are taking away from the experience of who I really am.

I know deep within from the stillness oneness that is natural to my being that everywhere I look, and everyone I see, is carrying a suffering when they are not able, or capable, of properly listening to their heart – and instead are weighed down by outer conditions. The thing is we all know better, everyone knows better. It’s just a matter of how much the outer has control over you, but we all know better.

We all recognize inner beauty when we see it. We all know the joy of being able to be innocent, where a letting go stillness naturally reside. Well, we may know that but being able to get out of the complexity is another thing, so consequently I am always cheering for others to break free and relate naturally to their true condition, which is an inner condition, because deep down we know that this is the fiber of our inner beingness.

Nevertheless it pains me to see people suffer, just like it pains me to suffer with them. Because that’s what happens: when I see them suffer, I suffer with them. Some part of me always does that. I mean that’s how the silence and the stillness works. That’s where the inner connection works. That’s why it’s good to keep a certain separation, or denseness, so to speak, that’s the positive way of trying to flip the stupidity into a meaningfulness, because when it’s like that then you don’t necessarily identify so closely to kind of an amnesia pain that predominates.

So within my heart… and, of course, I call it an amnesic pain because on the other side of it is the greater wholeness. Well, within my heart there is compassion and admiration for the inner bravador, in other words, that’s something which is trying to wake up. And when I am touched when something bleeds through the projections and, in doing so, sees our condition as one of connection. If not for this inner bleed through bravador, I would not be able to share a beingness with others. Instead I would spiral out of control and go irreparably insane. So to put it in other words, control is a holding on to a deviation, and oneness exists when the wayward projections we each manufacture fall away.

So the meaning is, that in my meditation dream, as I let go of the mind ego relatability, I find a wholeness within. As I come in from the outer malaise, even if just for a moment, there is a heartfelt quality of healing. The fact that I go right back and purposely pick up the mind ego sense orientation, which pains the heart and veils the soul from its unlimited natural nature, is bizarre, and I am seeing it to be so as I keep doing it.

To download this file, Right Click (for PCs) or Control Click (for Macs) and Save: Knowing Better

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Whenever we allow our personal psychologies to intrude on our spiritual journey, it is, in some way, an indulgence. And, our indulgences reaffirm the distance we are from being part of the Whole, because it puts our ego-self before our universal self. In dreams or during waking life, when we let these psychologies have outplay through us, we disconnect from our higher self. (At the end of this post there are instructions and a link to download this recording to your computer.)

Jeane: So, in this next dream, we’ve gone to some kind of a dance, but this dance is tricky because you come out of one room and there’s a lot of people there on the dance floor, and I’m carrying a bowl of cereal. I guess we’re supposed to dance carrying a bowl of cereal.

Well, I look at my bowl of cereal and I notice that the cereal is coming up over the rim. Somehow it’s kind of stacked up, more like you’d see ice cream stacked up where it comes up out of a dish. So I carefully set my bowl of cereal on the floor and think then if I eat some, maybe I can eat some real fast and it won’t spill over the sides.

But when I set it on the floor, of course the milk spills over because it really was stacked up kind of unnaturally. So then I can’t go out and dance because I kind of protect that area of the floor so no one steps on it. Then I go get some paper towels to wipe it up. That’s that first part.

John: So you’re describing some sort of indulgence that you’re carrying that’s got your attention, that keeps you from being able to free flow, because you feel you have to pay attention to the indulgence.

Jeane: In that same dream, I’ve gone over to a table and I’m observing all the different kinds of food on the table and the people there, but just walking kind of down there not really doing anything. I don’t know if I pick up a piece of cereal, or it wasn’t cereal on this. I don’t know if I pick up anything or not. I think I’m more observing what they’re doing at that table, and then the dream shifts.

John: Well, that might be just establishing a little more spatiality so that you can deal with how the dream shifts, because when you’re completely caught in the indulgence, you shut something completely off. So maybe you’re having a little bit more dexterity because you’re not so deeply indulged. You’re watching.

Jeane: Then I have a dream where it feels like I’m going to have to present a paper on a book, and the book is maybe about a poem or something that Leonard Cohen wrote, except in this case it’s in German – and I don’t speak German.

So I’ve gone to a university to speak to someone in a class, a professor that runs a class, and I’ve set down the book, before I go up and sit down where the students are. And I’ve met the professor, and then I’m going to talk with him I think after the class. I guess I want to get more information to write this paper or do a presentation.

Then I can’t find the book. There are all these other books there and I can’t seem to find my book. But then I feel like I have to sit down because he’s going to start talking. There’s a couple of students that say something to me, and I’m kind of interested in what the professor is going to say. I mention something to one of the students about they must be impressed by him or something, and they say no, they don’t like him at all. I don’t quite get it because I find him kind of interesting.

And then it feels like I leave the classroom shortly after that, and I go into a little store because I’m looking for the book and I think it might be there. That’s about all I remember of that dream.

John: It’s amazing you’re being challenged to have to take and realize you have all the answers inside yourself, instead of having to take and look to someone else for the answers. And in terms of looking to someone else, or somewhere else, outside of yourself for the answer, you end up creating definition, or element.

You end up running something up the flagpole, that’s not necessarily important at all because it’s an outer thing. It’s like a book, or it’s like the professor that you have to listen to that can say something important that you had missed.

Yet you understand the Leonard Cohen aspect poem of the book yourself. You don’t need someone to decipher it for you. You find it interesting, I guess, what they say, but it actually takes you away from what you already naturally know.


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John: The thing we have to look at in life is a need to realize that we’re playing with a level of magic. And to reach that magic we need to learn how to let go of things without causing too great an indulgence.

An indulgence can come in many ways. It can be nothing more than a tone, or a mannerism, that we take on, as if we’re entitled to take it on. Or it can involve the rising up, in our nature, of anything other than the qualities of attentiveness and compassion. And an indulgence can involve our automated reactions to our life experiences.

My dream is set in medieval times – there are castles and everything. I find myself, and the group I’m with, being overrun by invading forces who have swept through the land and taken over.

Instead of running or retreating, however, our teacher keeps us pressing on into the territory that’s just been taken from us. It’s like we’re ignoring what’s happened and we’re heading right into the enemy’s reinforcements.

The enemy has decimated our position and left us powerless. We don’t even have weapons to defend ourselves. Still, rather than give up, or retreat, or regroup, the teacher has us proceeding along, as if he knows something the invaders don’t.

I can sense that the enemy closely monitors every move we make. They see us out in the open, instead of being wise and pulling back. The teacher seems fully aware of what he’s doing – he even says that we’re getting very close to where we may be subject to an ambush.

I complain about not having any weapons to defend an attack, which seems imminent. The teacher agrees. Our movements are like a display of deep inner faith, because nothing about our circumstances indicates that these are the actions we should take.

Then the dream shifts, and I notice that there’s a veil that separates us from the invading forces. A moment earlier it felt like we were surrounded and our every move was observed. Now it feels like we’re not as helpless as I thought. With this shift, I can see a barrier separating us from the enemy.

I also had an earlier image where I saw a dog lunge forward to take food right out of my hand.

The meaning of these dreams is that there’s a place deep inside in which trust defies the limitations of the outer. They show that, first and foremost, I must trust and abide in my inner connections. If I get too enamored at what I have externally, or I think that I’m holding a particular space (symbolized by territory or food) that’s important, something can come at any moment and take it away from me.

In other words, if my attachments are too heavily based in the physical realms rather than the spiritual realms, then the “invaders” can swoop in and take it. Even the dog, which is a symbol of friendship, will snatch what I hold onto right out of my hand.

However, if I can follow my inner guidance and ignore outer appearances, I can thread myself through any obstacle. It’s when I react to what outer appearances imply or suggest, and let them guide my actions – like retreating in fear – I throw away my inner connection and my trust. Then I can only live in constant fear of losing myself or, I live in a fear in which I do lose myself.

The forces in outer life will always be bigger than I am, because what is hidden actually yields to them, or stays dormant in the presence of them. It is only by me trusting in what is hidden, trusting that I’m in good hands, can I help bring what is hidden out into the open – into life.

Next I have an image that adds information to these dreams. I mean, I could say that something’s missing from the first image because the kind of trust that’s being asked for, few people in their right mind would be able to muster, unless they had “heard” some guidance.

It’s like the story in the Quran where Moses meets the “Servant of God,” later identified as Khidr. Moses asks to accompany him in order to learn, and is told that he has to abide by whatever Khidr does and not question him. Moses agrees, yet each time Khidr takes an action, Moses, shocked by what he sees, always questions what has been done.

It’s not until Moses has broken his promise for the last time and the two must part that Khidr reveals the true compassion behind his actions, a compassion that was hidden from Moses because of his limited viewpoint.

So, in this dream I’m shown a force that has four levels to it. I’m told that the last person to approach this force inadvertently awoke a lion ferocity that had been asleep therein.

As fearful as I feel, I can’t help but notice that the roaring ferocity of the lion is only active on the first level, but that there are three other levels that are still dormant. My sense is that these three levels can only come into being (be awakened) when one has stilled the first level.

In other words, what’s required to pass the first level is to not react to the ferocity of the lion. The law of the lion who is rudely awakened is that he controls the appearance of the present.

In other words, as in the prior image where the invaders seemed to have every visible advantage, there’s still more to consider than what’s immediately discernible. If we react to the most obvious – our external reality, the invaders, a ferocious lion – it becomes the only level we see and experience. In a sense, the strength of our reaction (the ferocity of the lion) confirms it as our reality. Yet that’s a very limited viewpoint that cuts us off from deeper levels of knowing and inner guidance.

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