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Posts Tagged ‘resolving inner psychologies’

John: I had two short dreams.

In this first dream, I drive up to a large pull-up door. It’s a door that you could actually drive through when it’s open, but I stop in front of it. There’s something on the other side that’s colorful, that’s fascinating, that’s wonderful but, as far as I know, the door is closed to me.

Suddenly the attendant says, “Oh, what the heck.” I’m not supposed to be able to go inside, but he’s going to open the door so I can at least take a peek and see it for myself.

I’m standing just outside the door, but now that it’s open, all I see is a grayish mud. I’m told the colors on the roof are incredible, so I absentmindedly step inside to see them and I nearly fall down because the mud is too soft. My hand goes down and gets full of goo. It’s like a shock to my system.

The shock-like effect is because I’m not quite “getting” it. I never do get a glimpse of the beauty that’s being talked about. All I can do is hear about it. I can’t go through the door yet; the floor hasn’t firmed up enough.

This image is similar to the idea of being clear enough in terms of my own issues that I can look at others and see them for who they are, without any personal projection. This image I showing me that I’m still not there yet. What’s beautiful and colorful is still a bit out of reach.

In the next image, I’m lying in a bed against a window. It’s 10am and daylight outside, beyond the curtain. I peek out and see a person standing there, six inches from the window. I see a man’s back.

I don’t make out his entire outline because I’m groggy, I haven’t gotten up yet (it’s like I don’t want to create the contrast).

Then, all of a sudden, I feel like someone’s stepping through the window, like a person’s leg is coming in. My thought is to grab the leg and hold it so that it can’t be pulled back out.

But then I feel frozen, unable to move. I can’t lay there and grab the leg at the same time.

This scenario is creating the relationship between what’s on the outside and what’s on the inside. So again it’s like a shock and surprise. I can’t quite accomplish what I want to accomplish or see what I’m trying to see.

I’m not able to actually be in a neutral enough space within. I’m projecting biases around me and I’m finding myself comfortable being that way. As a consequence, that interferes with my letting go and being in the overallness, and I’m seeing that something isn’t quite possible.

So I can’t actually see the light (colors) but I can hear about it. It’s not quite soaking in, it isn’t quite firmed up yet, it’s still in process; I can’t step through the door.

I also can’t quite integrate what’s in the outer (of the window of illusion) and me in the bed. I can’t quite deal with that because they’re still two separate things to me, and to the degree to which I toy with that I’m apt to shock myself.

Of course what kind of a waking life scenario is behind these images? Well you could say a big scenario is the idea of the future, and in order to have a better future, we have to figure out how to hold this inner space inside, no matter what’s occurring in the outer world.

If we aren’t able to be empty in ourselves, then how can we expect others to find the compassion, and the recognition, and the coming together, and the intertwining, and the wholeness for themselves?

That’s the huge picture and it has to do with the whole. But of course I’m being shown that I even have difficulty from a personal standpoint in that I’m not even handling the little stuff.

This whole spiritual process begins with having to deal with the dark side of ourselves. Even in that we can get caught in the reflections of going back and forth and back and forth. At some point we have to take a leap forward into something that’s an overallness, or a wholeness. As one attempts to do that, the realization comes that the light is not necessarily what we perceived it to be, and we have to make another shift to realize that all the light is inside us.

The light we connect to isn’t some light that we find as a support in a collective way, as if there is greater clarity outside ourselves. We’re all created out of everything and we have everything in us. But, are we finding it? Are we working from the principle of the whole, rather than from the principle of figuring out how to pull all the component parts together? Are we acknowledging the fact that everything is already intertwined?

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John: In Coming Clean, we discussed how the feminine can hold the note of something purely, even though there might be a veil of contamination because of personal psychologies. In my dream, we see the flip side of that: how the masculine gets disconnected from what is purely held.

Through history, the masculine has had the audacity to impose its will and power (physically), likely because it has lost its ability to connect to true power and true will (energetically). The feminine has, over time, taken on what appears to be a contamination but, deep down, it’s just wounded, because when you take away the wound, it actually comes back to a spark that’s unalterable.

Because the masculine functions more actively in terms of how it relates to its environment – more doing, less being – it has tended to view things in a more personal way. That deviation from its connections has become imbedded in its psyche as an inner conflict – the masculine is no longer able to offer the clarity of its natural connections.

The feminine holds it, and is able to cause the masculine to reconnect again. The masculine can find that connection through the groundedness of the feminine aspects of its own nature, but only when it sets aside the personalized aspects of its viewpoint – its efforts to control and wield power in a physical way.

In my dream I just have the feeling that I’m carrying the belief that change is needed, but I find that others are resistant to the change. I’m pressing for change because somewhere inside I know its importance. The reason I’m resisted is based upon a claim that I’m guilty of duplicity. 

In this scenario, the masculine has been contaminated, and that causes an inner contradiction that feels like duplicity – it’s a betrayal of oneself. In the dream, I am both the seeker of change and the resistance to it.

In my outer life, I’ve been trying to see what’s behind the glittering lights of Las Vegas – to see through to the energy that enlivens this place. I know there’s something more there, but in the dream I touch opposition, which triggers a fight-or-flight psychology in me. As a consequence, the argument against change is that I have no right to be the one that seeks it because I’m already compromised.

In other words, I’m not strong enough to make the clarity of the situation visible – the purity behind it, which is the feminine trait. I can see that the collective argument being used against me makes a good point.

So this dream exposes my sense of righteousness in wanting to push change through. I wouldn’t feel righteous if I were truly clean. I, too, am fighting something in which I’ve been wounded and hurt in the feminine aspect of myself. At the same time, the deviated aspect is creating confusion or veiling me from it. I’m revealing that I lack the rootedness needed because I haven’t gotten to the bottom of where it’s coming from.

So how can I offer a resolution (change) if, deep down, I’m poisoned? If one is really innocent and truly clear, it comes through. Something of the truth still echoes in me as an ancient memory even though it’s not very clear, it’s repressed as a contamination, and that affects what I seek to achieve. This inner psychology is working against the transition that’s possible.

I remember once sitting and playing cards, and I got really upset over how I was just not drawing any cards at all. While in this deviated state, a certain conversation came up and I reacted very strongly against it. A woman at the table – who is very, very conscious and a teacher in her own right – said, “Ah hah,” and her eyes twinkled. I understood her meaning: Whenever we have a really strong reaction to something, there’s more to it than meets the eye.

Now, in that moment I strongly disagreed with her, but I never forgot the message of what she said. Whenever we feel righteous about something, it’s rooted in something deeper that’s unresolved. It’s almost like feeling forced into a corner, where you’ll fight hardest to get free. Righteousness has that same inner depth of feeling – it’s like a survival mode. Such psychological contamination can prevent us from allowing necessary changes to occur.

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John: I’m laying back and I hear a voice that’s announcing that I’m ready for launching. Or something is ready for launching. It looks like I’m in an airport holding area where you go through screening before you board the plane.

I’m looking through glass windows at people sitting at loosely arranged tables in a cocktail bar atmosphere. I don’t have a ticket or pass to be in that room, but I know I want to get in there. I’m told the room is full.

Those inside the room are going to be released – they’re the ones who are going to be launched. They’re going to go have this wonderful opportunity to go out into the outer, into life.

Suddenly I’m in the room, too, and there’s no place for me to sit. I don’t identify with anyone. When I wanted to get in, I didn’t think I fit, but now that I’m inside, I realize I identify even less.

Some people are smoking, some are reading the paper, others are engaged in buying and selling stocks, some are talking to people of a like nature; everyone seems to have an identification. They all have something in common.

But I don’t seem to identify with any of them, nor do I want to. They seem different from the vibratory sense that I’ve been holding.

I go over to one side of the room where various guests have left their bags. It seems kind of lonely and cut off from the flow of the room. I don’t meant to be standoffish, either – I feel I have to join the flow because I have to be engaged in some manner to be launched into life.

I decide, given the available options, to relate to the people in the buying and selling game. I’ll adopt that as my profile. You know, I have to be serious about it – not just pretend. So that will be my way of coming into life – of being launched.

This dream continues the exploration of how we bring inner essences into our outer lives. The imagery is showing me that I have to put what I’ve been feeling, as an inner connection, into action. (For more on this theme, see Walking Softly and Joining the Dance.)

There are two aspects to this process, because I don’t want to deny it, as shown by me standing off in a corner and not fitting in. That’s not acceptable. At the same time, I can’t fully drop my connection to become like all the others in the room. So I need to adhere to my connection to something more.

To be able to do that is what it means to be launched, in this scenario, into the flow that exists. In other words, I can’t do this in a way that has judgment toward, or withholds, from the reality of life – that’s a type of baggage all its own. Yet I also can’t be prideful; I can’t wear this deep connection on my sleeve in a way that is an affront to others.

My opportunity is to put that inner vibration freely, and joyfully, into life. The outer scenario through which I do this, whether as a buyer and a seller or any sort of guise, needs to be understood as a sort of prop – it is the way through which I can work this into life. But I can’t get caught up in and identify myself as “being” that guise.

That is the challenge: how can this innerness, which is an emptiness – a nothingness – how can it come into the somethingness of physical life? Well, it needs a human, one that is more connected to the inner realms than fixated on the outer realms. I use the word prop because that’s what our guise is, a prop for this theater of life. It’s not really us, but we lose our inner connections when we believe that it is.

So this dream is a way of describing how we can carry an essence into creation. And we don’t need to do it with the idea that we are trying to make something “better.” In other words, it’s not about saving the world or something.

We just want to carry forth the essence, inside of us, into creation. We can use any prop in front of us, because we are not fighting the way things are, we are just flowing with what’s there. That subtle shift makes all the difference. That’s what enables us to be naturally connected to what the Divine has in mind.

It’s easy to see something in disarray and think it has to be altered or changed. But we don’t have to alter or change anything. We can just take it as it is, while holding the vibration and being in the flow of it. When we can do that, everything can change, without any further effort from us.

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