Jeane: In this first dream I’m in the city and I’m walking home. My mother is there and she hasn’t visited for a while. I seem to be walking barefoot.
As I’m walking, a female friend distracts me. I walk up to the top of a very tall structure, like bleachers in a stadium. At the top my friend and I are looking over the edge and my friend is talking to me about the children of some people we knew in the past who are living in the area. It feels like I’m estranged from these people.
I go from one part of this structure to another where there are some loose bricks. I toss some bricks down. I feel like this action has caused harm to someone. That makes me feel a certain shame and I become defensive about it. My friend and I just continue our dialogue and then I leave.
I’m carrying some shame about what I’ve done. It feels like I’ve stolen something or killed something. I don’t know what I’ve done for sure, but I then go into a simple home that seems to be where my spiritual teacher lives.
I’m sitting on the floor with someone else and the teacher is talking, but because of what I’ve done I don’t want the teacher to get too close. I feel like I can hide because he’s allergic to dogs and there are two dogs in the room that almost cover me up; I think that will keep the teacher away.
The teacher is sitting cross-legged on the floor. Then he comes over and just takes me in his arms – I can’t hide at all. He’s whispering to me. I feel really lost because I feel like I can no longer hide anything I’ve ever done…
John: The theme of this dream has to do with responsibility, in the sense that you have an inner recognition in terms of what’s meant to be and you feel a responsibility to help it reach fruition. The first image of you heading home to visit with your mother gives you a glimpse of this wholeness.
Your home is a place where everything is known and complete. On the way home, however, an aspect of you (the female friend), which lies between you and the state of wholeness, causes a distraction.
In other words, this distraction is a part of you that hasn’t caught up with the sense of knowing – yet. So you try to reconcile this part of you, and your sense is that you need to establish a better vantage point, or get a better perspective. In other words, you’re trying to rise up – you go to the top of the stadium.
You take this spiritual step with the idea that it will help you get oriented, but what it ends up doing is the opposite of your intention, i.e., instead of making a connection you end up inadvertently losing contact with that other part of you. That’s because your spiritual step is tainted by a spiritual illusion. You’re trying to bring something together by gaining a better view, but it doesn’t work.
What that’s showing you is that deep down you thought you could handle this transition on your own. Instead, you embarrassed yourself. Your attempts we’re not quite clear enough, or strong enough, or conscious enough to follow that inner sense to fruition, so you’re ashamed at having let some aspect of it go.
Said another way, you have a certain sense that knows what’s meant to be, and you believe that you have the connections to be able to help what’s meant to be reach fruition. However, the dream is showing you that this isn’t going to work. You still need help.
So the help you need comes in the image of the teacher who is the go-between to enable you to realize and recognize how you have veiled yourself. You’ve veiled yourself as a result of shame. You find yourself needing to hide because you’ve failed to uphold what you know or heard deep inside and felt you could maintain or sustain in terms of the process – you thought you could find your own way back.
It’s unusual in that it has a whole Garden of Eden modality about it where the fruit of something in life, when eaten or taken in on a personal level, causes you to think that you are independent and can do it by yourself. But that illusion (because it’s ego-based) causes a shame to rise up to the point where you want to hide. The consequence is that you have been thrown out of what is natural and a part of who you are (i.e., banished from the Garden).