Changing the Story

50It’s okay to admit that, when we begin, we are lost. That’s only a problem when we don’t know it. What’s much more important is that we know that there is something else to be found. In the early days, we may think that’s just a better version of ourselves. Yet if we keep going, deeper and deeper, we’ll come to realize that what we seek is something much bigger than us, but that we do have our place in it. And that’s when our universal story really begins. (At the end of this post there are instructions and a link to download this recording to your computer.)

Jeane: I wish I remembered my dream better, but it seemed to be about, it’s almost like we’d watched the program on Lincoln last night, and so in my dream it feels like Lincoln has been assassinated and I’m trying to investigate, but it’s in modern times.

And the place where I have to go investigate it’s on a large factory floor, in a way, because there’s all this machinery around. And so when I first go in I actually park my car inside the factory, but I have to find a place to park it where it’s out of the way of a lot of heavy machinery.

And at first I feel like I’m kind of given the runaround by people there, and so then I go back and it feels like I find two women that I think know more about this. I follow them onto the factory floor and to where the car is, and I’ve changed where the car is parked so that I can drive around the factory better, I think.

That’s about all I remember. I didn’t really pull a lot of details out of the dream because I always seem to be busy investigating, or trying to get to the bottom of something.

John: So in the dream you have this energetic as if you’re trying to find something on the inner that has to do with an understanding in regards to Lincoln being shot, right? And then the place where you find yourself is like in a factory where there’s a lot of noise going on. And so you have a displacement, now, between the two.

The aspect behind the meaningfulness and the essence of significance, with regards to Lincoln, or this quality that has been shot, or that you know exists but isn’t quickened and present for you. Instead you’re in an environment in which there are a lot of machines. The significance of the car, and that image, is giving you information about how it is that you relate – on an inner level – with yourself, in terms of yourself, in terms of the depths of yourself.

The theme of the dreaming has to do with where a person is at in relationship to a depth of themselves, on an inner level. And, in looking at that, you can involve speed, you can involve the depth, all of these things come into play, but you have to also look at this dream in terms of the state that you’re in.

There’s three primary states. The dense one, the one that everybody goes through, you know, that’s part of being lost in life, is the journey away from God, as it’s called, which is a journey in which you’re going out and you’re doing whatever your particular notionality is, living off of your mind and your senses, and trying to make the best out of things in the outer. And you treat the outer as if that’s all there is. And so that’s a lower-self nature.

Then there’s the journey in which you’re traveling towards God, and in that journey you’re working on your shadow dynamics. You are kind of doing a top-down approach, in other words, where something is coming from the top down but it’s hitting all of this rust, and nuances, and naff and whatever you want to call this, that’s cluttering your nature, is holding you back, that’s defining your journey towards God, or limiting your journey towards traveling towards God. And you work on that. And so you would have dreams, then, with these various nuances and other dynamics then, in chase scenes or anything else.

And this dream isn’t in that state, either. This dream is in the third state, the state in which you’re traveling in God, so you’re in the warehouse. You’re trying to figure out where you need to be parked in the place.

And it’s kind of like starting anew now, when you’re traveling in God, because now you can be affected by distractions. I mean you’re more hypertensive, you’ve got the noises there you have to contend with, and yet you know that there is something that you need to catch up, with that has been killed, that needs to be understood in your nature.

And in every dream, even when you’re traveling in God, you can’t be too presumptuous that you don’t have still some degree of shadow dynamics, like if you have another woman or something like that. You still have inklings of the traveling towards God stuff that you also have to work with.

The big difference, though, in taking the journey into traveling in God is that is when you can start to do the work. That’s when you can change the story. When you’re still dwelling upon your own predicament, yes, to some degree that’s helpful, makes you a petter person, makes you relate and touch life in a better way – but it’s still kind of about you.

But when you start traveling in God, it’s about something else coming into an awareness that then facilitates an awakening that has to do with the whole, not just you. You’re intertwined, and so you’re in this warehouse. You’re in this process of traveling in God, but it doesn’t look very good. I mean you’re affected by this flicker of something that’s been killed, and how to better understand it, and you’re not making very good headway because you don’t know where to park and the machinery is noisy.

I had this broken up into the various segments, but that’s probably the way the masculine does, it breaks things up into segments as opposed to you just getting it in a fell swoop, and you then have to denote where things are at. To understand the dream you can’t apply the typical dynamics because it’s not in that state. It’s in the zone of traveling in God.

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The Inner School

In this final part of the conversation between John and Ann, we learn about the process of the “inner school,” or guidance from within, as well as explore the dangers of awakening the kundalini energy in oneself and then not working with it. (For the first two installments, see Jumping to the Inner, and The Light Bulb Moment) (At the end of this post there are instructions and a link to download this recording to your computer.)

John: Now if you get to the point where you’re living and having to cope and dwell strictly speaking in this next phase, of the knowingness, of the inflective knowingness, and then you see yourself stupidly making checklists – that’s where it gets brutal. That’s where you start to club yourself, but you’re not there yet. You don’t have to do it. Right now you’re just collecting the data.

That’s a very nice thing having the inner school like that. And in the inner school, you’re orienting yourself to what you might say is your space, or your place, of beingness. When you start going through the principle of pressure, in relationship to that, that is when you will be directly, knowingly, and in some parts unconsciously, or it’s not as conscious, but you will be knowingly taking responsibility for shaping things around you.

And that then is hitting the level of responsibility, and when you hit that level of responsibility, that’s when you go through things that eat you up.

Now the difference is then a question of inner strength. In the case of my friend, he’s still an easily broken glass bottle person. If I take and point out the stupidity of what he did, he’s going to be a puddle of water on the floor.

In your particular case, if you get hit with the right upper cut or something you’re going to blink and you’re going to get it, and it’s going to develop, so to speak, spiritual muscle. You know you’re not going to break down.

What we’re talking about now is kundalini energy, and what we’re talking about is something that, in the process of evolvement of man, is considered difficult and even dangerous, because this kundalini energy is essential to your process of awakening.

And yet at the same time you can see how, like meeting up with my friend, if I point all of this out, because he does have an awareness to which that comes flooding through, and he’ll hear it, he crashes. In your particular case, that coming through, as it’s needed to come through, makes you more aurically powerful on an inner level.

This is like the statement that was made by the teacher’s teacher, who said that on this path, he never goes wrong, meaning the teacher knows how to work with this kundalini energy in relationship to the students, so that they never go wrong. But the criticism of this, as it typically opens up in the West, is that these people are floundering. People are floundering and they have no way of it coming into a proper cadence for them.

And so the statement is made is that there really is no spiritual teacher, so to speak, in the West that knows how to work with this, so the result is that people end up flipping out. They crack up, they go into a silence.

And that is a kundalini energy. In other words, one side of the kundalini energy the receptivity to be attuned to and somehow or another he could sense something about that and end up where he needed to be. That is an amazing thing.

But the other side of it that he can’t assimilate has him destroying himself and others. That’s kundalini energy gone awry.

The dilemma is that you get to a point where you have this kundalini energy that you have to contend with that opens up more and more and more on this path, and that’s where it’s important to have the connection to the lineage, to the teacher, because that then shapes it, provides a safe space for it to evolve.

So, in your dream you are not confronted there with any kundalini energy, that puts a responsibility or a huge drain or pressure upon you that’s tormenting. You’re still in the school of it. You’re still getting the information. At some particular point though you shift from seeing it to living it…

And then that’s what kundalini energy is all about again and so it’s very interesting how… See, dreams always kind of portray where you’re at, and this dream indicates that you’re still on this huge, traveling towards God, sort of learning or inner schooling.

And what’s to be denoted about this inner schooling, it is huge, is it puts to shame the ideas and the concepts that people live under in the outer like the Ten Commandments and stuff like this. The strictness that you have on this inner school that you’re being shown, makes all of that other look like child’s play.

Because it’s the real thing, it’s the inner. The other are the roles that have to do with the outer, and yes they have an inner correspondence, but in order to understand the inner correspondence, you have to have that inner school.

And how many can experience or take that in? Because as soon as you start with that you get caught in that and because it’s who you are, you are linked like that, and then you can’t quit and if you do quit then you run the danger to whatever kundalini energy that you have woken up. You run the danger of the flip out, the crack up.

The case with my friend who’s moving to a place that’s going to be a catastrophe for him but I don’t know how I dare tell him that without creating a bigger catastrophe. The reason why it’s like that is, he messed up. He got to a point and then he said, okay, I’m going back to the mundane. He doesn’t know that he did that.

That’s why the kundalini energy creates the despair and the sorrow and all of that in him. It’s a big turning your back. The same thing is true with this other person. He is able to experience something like just a plane flying around the sky and know that that plane and he are connected in some fashion to something that needs to evolve. Wow, that is…that’s a jaw dropper in its amazement. That there is that kind of clarity.

Which means that he wouldn’t have developed that clarity if he hadn’t sorted out a certain degree of the outer to get to that kind of acuity, but then when he stopped, the blindside of things came in, and now that energy is so much because you need that kundalini energy that have so much power to it, that now you’re not properly directed and focused, tears you to pieces.

And so when he’s not able to guide and live with it, he tears things apart, he flips out. Because I don’t have that particular problem, I thought I could just sit and talk to him and just kind of lay it out and that he’d just swallow and adapt and adjust to it just like I kind of am able to do.

But in his particular case, he had blinded himself to too many subtle effects, and intricacies, in this particular area, that got veiled over. And so the outer motif took over. Which means the kundalini in the outer took over.

Now, that’s why it’s said that kundalini energy is like one-third on this side, and two-thirds on the other. And it’s also, you know, whether it’s one-third, two-thirds, who knows? I mean, that’s the way I’ve heard it portrayed, and the one-third that’s considered the potent aspect of it is often considered a type of magnetism that’s often associated with sexuality, because the expansion/ contraction principle is, in one way of looking at it, all that’s going on, in the outer level, and so that kind of magnetism is captured in the essence of sexuality that has to do with procreation and has to do with the sustaining of the outer that way.

And then the inner level of it is the other two-thirds takes you into the knowingness, takes you into the essence. So if you’ve experienced the essence and are still trying to steer that into the outer, that can be very dangerous.

And what often times happens because there’s so much care taken to try to leave a person to evolve in their own way, often times what happens is a person will reach a certain level of knowingness, or sight, or cadence from within, and then they’ll suddenly say no. And they’ll turn and try to steer that in a personal way for your own benefit now as opposed to for the whole.

Or in other words, trying to say no, and go back into the outer. And what will happen is, things will veil over, but it’s almost like they don’t quite 100% veil over, maybe they 95% veil over so you feel the result is it would be better if you never started. Because the echo of the other still haunts you, and you can’t shake it, and you can’t do anything about it.

And that’s what causes strange things to happen, like my friend suddenly deciding that where he lived was stale and old, and he needed to change the environment, and so he takes his best conceptual guess and this is where he ends up, and he’s going to find out, of course, that you can’t be a dog chasing its tail.

It doesn’t work that way. You have to hear the inner note, so to speak, within and adhere to that and let it unfold, it guides, and then it causes what needs to reflect, to reflect. But you don’t buy the reflection, because the reflection, if you happen to be very unlucky and the reflection works out, then you’re set up for a huge catastrophe, very shortly, because the reflection is a byproduct of the inner and it’s the inner that you need to stay attuned to.

I love this one, two, three business. In fact there was I think on the website there was something in there. It didn’t quite come completely across like this, but it’s where it was taking place. There was a one, two, three enfoldment, the first aspect, the second aspect, and the third aspect. And of course when you prune it to be put on the website you don’t get this process distinction presented or laid out like you do when you’re talking it like we’re doing.

In other words, if it was portrayed on the website you would have your dream, and then you would have the first part and then you’d have a definition, and then might be the second part and there would be a definition, the third part and a definition, but what you’re missing is the active component that’s at play here. That is really important because it shows you just being really taught, educated, and guided forward.

That gets missed, but in something like what we just went through, I think that comes across then, when it can’t under the other forum. Because I’ve done quite a few of these ones, twos, and threes in relationship to myself is where it started and then I started to be able to see the ones, twos, and threes in Jeane, and you just did a one, two, and three.

I have rarely, I might get this like once every six months, see a four in myself or in Jeane. It’s that rare. And that is information that I don’t know how to find it in a book even. It’s that new. And if it’s true for me, I always figure it’s also true for the whole because that is how one is.

Now if something like that were recounted on the website, it would fall into the arena of something to be discussed with opinions here and opinions there. It would be like taking cut glass, it would be like taking a diamond and throwing it on the ground like it’s cut glass. It would lose its significance, its potency, its meaningfulness, but if something like that were to come out in terms of what we talk about, and how that lays it all out, and you get the step by step enfoldment. That would be pretty hard to repudiate.

But I’m not sure that even then, that it was formed enough in terms of one, two, three, and four. I mean it would be nice to eventually get to something that lays it out like that, and then let somebody quibble as much as they want, but then to pick at the four you have to go and also have to dismantle the one, two, and three. And when it’s like that it’s pretty darn hard to do.

But if it’s just presented out of context as a type of four, everybody has got an opinion yet then, based upon however it is that they sense things and their senses will be in the outer rather than on the inner. When things are like that, it’s why there is this point where the teacher will say to a student oh, you may think everybody experiences such and such and such and such that you’re experiencing but no, they don’t. And the person who is experiencing it generally doesn’t realize but didn’t quite see that what they’re experiencing is kind of unique.

And that’s like a four again. In other words it’s a hiddenness, that’s in life but it’s almost even hidden from the person who is living like that as well. And then it’s pointed out to them, and when it’s pointed out to them the fact that that is such a food for them, they then can perhaps take that and figure out how to inflect that, with others.

It is just like we all have examples of various freaks that we run around that when you look at them they are crazy as a goon, but every now and then they say something with wow, that person isn’t as insane as I thought he was.

He’s not as bongo as I thought he is, but he’s still bongo of course, but where did that come from? And when you hit those traits and qualities that open up, and see you will be hitting those with this one, two, and three. You will hit them even on the third, because the third… What was the third again?

The light, the flash, the light. Okay, the flash. Okay.

On the third that flash and that light and that mystical knowingness can get to the point where it’s so much that you will just blurt it out. And without the packaging, you could be perceived by someone else as a bit of a bongo. However, their listening center, their knowingness, if they are correlated to a groundedness of the feminine, they will say, however, there’s something in that, that resonates. But you’re still a bongo.

Because they don’t see how it sequences, and then they don’t accept you because they don’t see how you sequenced to that.

That’s why the teacher often makes the statement that one of the ways that a person knows that they’re advancing is when everybody rejects them, because everybody is viewing everything according to this outer motif way, and you’re going counterclockwise listening in some other way  – and that’s haywire.

In terms of the collective that’s a haywire way of being, and that’s just how we get stigmatized. Or how you find yourself out of the loop. Now, to a certain degree some of the stuff that you have found yourself doing, I can’t help but wonder, like for example your ability to find yourself comfortable around Indian culture, which has its heebie jeebies in terms of the white man to begin with so they’re hypersensitive…

And the fact that they might invite you into a sweat lodge and stuff like that, trust you in that regard. They have to see you, they must be seeing some part of you, we’ll call kind of a quasi bongo element that fits with who they are.

And that’s why it feels so bad for my friend that’s moving to Florida, is he’s brilliant on a lot of levels. He has studied the collective works of Carl Jung and at the time I knew him in Denver ages ago he no longer did that. He still kept a dream chart.

But he never talked about it because I didn’t know how to relate on that level, and didn’t even know that I paid… or paid any attention or had no awareness that I even dreamt.

What he was saying to me the other day, is he said, because he would go out of his way to introduce me to things. I mean he has tremendous skills and he would invite me, even though I would look like a klutz, he’d invite me into things and plug me into things, and because he opened the door in that way, it was accepted except the feedback he’d get is that I’m kind of out of it.

I’m kind of in some other zone, or something, that isn’t connected to that outer way that something needs to unfold. What he told me is, he said, “People are all the time saying this like, what is he doing with this and that and the other in relationship to me being so bizarre?” But he said that he could tell that behind that was something else. He could see that then.

Well, the reason he could see that was because it was somewhat of an echo to where he had gotten, and then backed away, and in backing away created his own crack, and so he still kind of kept the peek-a-boo window open, and I kind of reflected that in a harmless way. Now I’ve got to be careful, because in my sincerity to want to help him I could crush him.

Because he has said no. He has backed away, and he doesn’t have a teacher and isn’t connected enough on a lineage inner level, to keep from that quality, brought back into a quickening, from tearing him to pieces. And from like the example where the guy that put these people in the hospital flipping out only… He flips out on himself.

Ann: Oh boy. Very interesting, huh? Today. Wow.

John: Yeah, it is. It’s a fun process. A recording like this is fun because it shows a whole sequential unfolding. And it tickles me to see that whole sequential unfolding.

And you’re just talking about a particular thing, subject matter or whatever. It sits in its own little context world. But this thing has begin, middle, and end to it. It follows the format that you laid out with your first, second, and third. And we had to stay in that format. It followed that format. It flows. It twines with that format.

I wish I knew how to do that, but I can report this after the fact that that’s what we just did, and then glance back. If I could do this more often I’d love to make more recordings like this because to me this really simplified things.

Of course when you put something out there in its profundity, it’s still on the world of profundity. A person could listen to it and say oh, okay. Now okay, what do I have to do next, and off they go in their life. But this whole sort of thing took them on a journey.

You went on a journey inside so, and so we followed the journey – a journey that teaches.

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The Support of the Whole

Jeane: I had a dream in which I was a therapist, but I seem to be working in a teaching setting. I’m moving to Portland, Oregon so I’m in my room saying goodbye to one of my students who’s a little bit upset about it.

This student is a woman and I’m talking to her about what she could do next. I’m encouraging her to get involved in a group or to stay in touch with me; I like to know how people are doing and we’re talking about that.

In the middle of our talk, a male supervisor comes in my room and looks in the closet. He discovers a box of evaluation forms that he’d put there and forgotten.

It’s kind of an interruption to my conversation with the woman because he has this kind of attention-deficit thing going on where he has to look for the forms, and wants me to talk to him later, but he doesn’t have any boundaries about when it’s appropriate to come in my room or not.

Then he leaves and I finish the conversation.

John: This is a dream about being able to be at ease with all parts of yourself. It starts off with you saying goodbye and counseling the student. But actually you’re counseling part of your feminine self in terms of how it can stay in touch with a linkage it has made.

In other words, something is changing, i.e., the dynamic upon which there’s a connection has changed. It no longer needs the same closeness or proximity because another means has opened up by which it can be recognized.

In the beginning, it’s important for a student to get together with the teacher and spend time around and in the presence of them. A teacher has a certain kind of energetic that can come across, or be taken in, or recognized, or awakened in the student.

In the image this appears as if it’s coming from the teacher to the student but, actually, what’s happening is the interaction is awakening a quality in the student that’s been lost or dormant. All the teacher is doing is acting as a mirror to cause this to happen.

Once this awakening occurs, then the student takes on this trait or quality through which they can begin to see their self connected to something originally reflected by the teacher, but is now a part of the student’s ability or linkage from within.

Because the image shows you leaving the student, it also means that you’re able to stand more on your own feet because you have a connection inside that you know how to reach, and you can reach it now when you couldn’t before. You can now take that and extend it out, in terms of others, and recognize yourself in them.

It’s a very interesting dynamic when this part takes hold. You’ll notice, for example, in our dream group a person will tell their dream and they want it interpreted from the standpoint that it was their dream and it’s what they’re going through. The analysis needs to resonate with them. But it also needs to resonate with the people listening, because there comes a point where the dream and the entire group interaction is intertwined. It’s not something that stands separate.

For the longest time, that person is going to insist that this is their particular thing, and that it’s peculiar to them and, as a result, they’re going to be identifying and holding themselves separate from everyone else, as opposed to intertwined.

And the dilemma that exists is they’re still acting like they have to sort something out, rather than recognizing that they’re in all things or that all things are in them. That’s still a state of traveling towards God, which is different to traveling with God.

Your dream is showing you, in terms of an overallness, that you’re not limited now to a particular place or space that you have made a connection to, so that you can be somewhere else and it can be okay because you have the means by which to hold a support system, in terms of yourself, in the overall.

See, the overall is a support system. Generally, as humans, we don’t use the overall. We rely upon our own devices, separately, because we see everything as distinct from how we are and, therefore, we rely upon on our own wits and mannerisms in terms of coping.

That’s how we tend to see it, but when we get to the point where we don’t see ourselves as distinct and separate, then that’s the point where we have an inner connection that’s supported by its relationship to the whole, and that’s what it means to bring the inner into the outer.

We’ll continue this discussion tomorrow, in The Big Drama.