The Illusion of Separation

John: Your dream yesterday actually makes a deeper statement in terms of how the kundalini works (see Recognizing What We Already Know). We spoke about the idea of sensing a gap, or having the perception that something is askew, and thinking that you need to be subordinated to this thing because you sense it as being separate. But when you come to recognize the linkage, the distance between you and the teacher disappears because you have found it in yourself.

The part that’s hard to describe is how the feminine, which craves a particular kundalini sexuality, craves it more hungrily when there is the association of something having to come from outside of herself to bring about an awakening. When there’s that sense of dependency, it’s always coupled with anger because no one likes to be reliant on things out of their control.

That viewpoint, that sense of something having to be found, or reached, or sought outside of one’s self as if that somehow or other completes or satisfies what’s needed – when you actually find the solidness of that masculine inside you, you transcend that illusion because you then become wired internally to reach what had been missing and find it inside of you.

The first part of your dream has to do with the part that’s fine and solid in part of you, and the other male figures that are passing through are the part that’s still reaching, and has a hunger, and is still caught under the misconception that somehow this lies outside of you. The part of you that’s content and solid, in and of itself, knows better and knows that it has taken in and taken on and discovered all that there is to discover in this regard.

And thus the teacher, or the go-between, is no longer visible, as if there’s something askew or separate. It’s almost as if the feminine, in its dormancy – carrying a completeness in and of itself – can only think in terms of trying to awaken, can only think that, to begin with, that it has to do with a certain magnetic connection being formed. Until it’s formed, by way of a relationship or something from the outer, until that takes place, there’s a gap.

But when it has caught up or learned to take this on for itself, that’s when it moves to a point where it’s no longer dependent upon the teacher to create the inflection. Because that’s the point where you have already gotten the memo, so to speak, or that masculine part has opened up and become part of you, so that there’s nothing reachable or touchable in terms of an outer capacity any more. It’s a very deep dream.

The theme of the dream is one of catching up with something that’s already within you, but you don’t know it. That’s the theme of the dream and yet we make this journey, and we go through this maze of the outer life in an illusion, or in a state of amnesia in terms of recognizing that we actually, at the depths of who we are, already carry it as complete.

Generally speaking, we just aren’t able to have that recognition in the physical world because we’re not able to stop long enough to see that it’s naturally so. Instead we see ourselves as proceeding in some regard or way and, when we see ourselves as proceeding in some regard or way then we have dreams that have to do with something haunting us or chasing us, or that we’re finding new things in new rooms, or that we’re jumping from this place to that place.

What we’re doing is circling that part of ourselves that, in a flash, when it awakens, means that all of that illusion drops away, because the time and the space in the outer illusion then goes into that vacuum of nonexistence. While you’re Traveling Toward God, or even Traveling In God, you still perceive that there’s an aspect of linkage, or interconnection, that needs to come together.

Recognizing What We Already Know

Jeane: Memories of my first dream are a bit vague, but I think it was influenced by having seen the stage production of Kà last night because it feels like it’s taking place in a large domed area.

In the dream I’m actually in the backseat of a car (within the larger domed area). There are two men with me most of the time, but it also feels like other men come floating through the car and give me a kiss or make love to me or something. It’s a little vague because the two men in the car are more solid, and the others who float through briefly are very wispy.

That dream shifts and I’m in a larger outside area that’s more rugged. I go to a Chinese man and woman who are martial art masters, and they take me through their martial art form. Then the woman indicates that she really doesn’t want to take on a full-time student and that what I should do is take a hike or journey through the mountains.

Every night on that journey a different teacher will take me through a form, or teach me, and she says it will really build my stamina. However, then she comments, “But of course there’s nothing left of those teachers because they give everything to their students.”

John: Hmmm, that imagery is speaking of a state of suspense, or describing a gap. And the gap has to do with the way your inner masculine is attempting to bring things through. There’s a part of your inner masculine that’s solid and has an acceptance and recognition that’s necessary for you to function. That part’s connected to a space that’s traveling to an inner depth (it’s in the car with you). In other words, you have that quality to embrace and maintain.

The wispier, less defined masculine is pointing out a lack of recognition by you. The part of you that has some question, doubt, or fear, or that goes askew from what it’s able or meant to know and sustain in terms of its connected presence, the part of you that’s askew from that is still the part of you that’s looking around, that’s Traveling Toward God. When it shifts, because of greater recognition, the part that’s rooted and grounded shifts to where you’re able to learn, but learn from what you already have, not from that which you still feel is askew and in need of being realized or brought in.

So, when you learn from that which is rooted – recognizing it as a base and a solidness that you can reside in and be comfortable with how it is – that’s when you realize that whatever there is to learn is already in there. That’s when you see that you’re given, or have received, or have taken in all that there is. And what appears in the outer is essentially no longer something reachable.

This dream has a deeper meaning too. The dream means that as you have been thrashing about trying to find a cadence or balance in the masculine, you have been recognizing what you already have in terms of connection, even though part of you still reaches for a greater connection. The thing that you’re finding so surprising is that there’s an independence that you didn’t realize was there, or was possible, that you have in terms of the connection.

You have always thought or believed or had the impression that what was occurring had a dependency upon the situation. You’re finding that you actually have an independence, that you know that state of independence and have found that state of independence – not completely, of course, but to the degree that you have found it you realize that there is nothing tangible about it.

And as long as you’re looking for something that isn’t yet complete, your conceptualization still has you imagining it to be something that has a tangible quality to it. If that isn’t there, then something is missing.

In your dream, even though there may be a sense of something missing, it still exists on one level. There’s the recognition and sense that what you have reached or found within is leaving you free of the idea of a need. To be free of an idea of a need means that what you’ve found inside you, is you, as opposed to something that has come together from a separate area.

So you have come to own some part of the process of awakening. In coming to know that part of the process of awakening, what falls away is the mystery of the teacher, because when you come to know it, there is no longer a difference between you. While you’re still reaching there is this sense of clamoring to try to make the breakthroughs – to take the steps, to have the recognition, to touch the awakening, and so there is a searching-out energetic that comes into play when you see yourself that way.

When you come to see the part of you that’s perfectly fine – even if it’s just a small part of you that’s perfectly fine, even though you still have the other part that’s still searching for more, that part that you find that’s totally fine is something that’s given to you, or that is you, in such a way that you can no longer place it in terms of a scenario or a schematic. You can’t create a schematic for it.

When you’re aspiring or reaching and haven’t yet touched what’s necessary, your mind will create a whole schematic of a journey. That begins to fall away when you recognize the journey is in you.

The Self, Absorbed

Jeane: This next dream has a few parts to it. It begins with a friend’s young daughter who has come to visit. She’s an adolescent now and we are in a mountain community where our spiritual teacher is staying, although I don’t think I’m aware of that in the beginning.

It’s wintertime and the young girl has a girlfriend with whom she’s running around. People in the community are worried because the girls are kind of wild, but I’m able to go out into the snow and catch the one girl and bring her back to the main area.

I want her to stay, but other people think it’s time for her to return to her mother, so they put her on a plane. They’re doing it because she was running wild, but I like her energy so much that I want her to stay. Unfortunately, it’s not my decision.

That seems to flow into… 

John: That’s actually a very complicated part. It’s showing that you’re able to understand an energetic about yourself represented by the girl as the feminine aspect, yet not-fully-under-control in you. Through an inner process, which has an absorptive trait, you’re able to take that energetic in and accept it – you like the girl’s unbridled energy.

In other words, your dreams have built to this particular point where everything is able to work as it is, as a package – even the part of you that can be considered wild or awry, which isn’t able to pull things together without being over the top in some fashion. That’s brought in by an absorptive quality that’s okay with it and can hold it even though it may give the appearance of having to go back into the outer in some capacity, i.e., the image of the girl being sent back home to her mom.

We are talking about different levels in you. At a more personal, surface level, the girl is seen as wild, yet at a deeper level you appreciate her live energy. If you were to interpret it the same at both levels you would likely reject this feminine energy.

Because you see something deeper about her you’re able to zoom in on that and therefore set aside (absorb) the deviations that disturb other people. You’re able to keep both aspects in better balance and connect to the depths of something that’s important.

Jeane: In the second part of this dream I’ve gone into the community. There’s an outdoor area and I’ve rushed in to find a place to sit down. The teacher is performing a ceremony within a circle. The circle is drawn in green and there’s a rock near the edge; there’s an African chieftain standing there.

There’s another area of the circle that I discover later that has some objects in it. I keep trying to find a place to sit that’s out of the way, but every time I do the teacher comes over to place something there as part of the ceremony. I move to another spot, but it’s a small circle and I really need to sit inside it.  No matter where I move I seem to be in right in the middle of everything.

John: This imagery indicates that you can’t escape the awakening you’re experiencing; wherever you move you’re still in its path, you’re still in its process, you’re still in its space.

In other words, these dreams carry a note that causes them to look a little skewed. But your higher self is telling you that what may appear one way on one level, isn’t necessarily relevant on another level. What’s important is how you’re able to connect, and that you’re in the place you’re meant to be in.

Jeane: In the last part of this dream I have to go up a trail that looks like the rugged terrain of the Himalayas – it’s barren. There are peaks and valleys but I don’t see any trees or anything.

There’s a substance, and I feel like it’s a substance the teacher gave me but I can’t say for sure. I have thrown this substance out onto the path before me, and it’s filled the whole area. It has spread out, almost like sand would, except it’s fluffier than that.

I’m going to walk on this substance as I continue across the valley area, or along the path. As I step onto this substance, which has really expanded, it suddenly begins to move like an avalanche and just carries me forward. I have no control over this and I don’t know if it’s going to take me over the edge, but my main experience is of being carried along.

I haven’t a clue where it’s taking me.

John: Given the way that you’re able to look at, or comprehend, yourself in regards to the other aspects within, you’re dealing with an imbalance that you are able to dwell upon and, as a consequence of what’s actually emerging, it’s creating a sense of bewilderment (the strange substance carrying you along).

This dream is a step back because in recent dreams you’ve been able to see yourself as Traveling In God, so to speak (being able to identify everything that’s happening as being a part of you). But in taking a step back – as if you’ve gotten derailed a bit energetically – it still hasn’t taken you out of an acuity that you’ve developed.

The whole sequence is best described by the last image, where it’s as if something was given to you (the substance) and as you step onto that it sets in motion something that’s beyond what you could possibly perceive or imagine.

When you’re Traveling In God, instead of feeling a quality of “otherness,” you feel instead an aspect of you that’s awakening. You’re experiencing more and more and thus getting deeper into the depths of that vibration and going forth, almost in a zone of Creation, but also in an epicenter of time and space.

In other words, you’re more in the wholeness and experiencing the wonders of that as it awakens – which occurs as you take on more speed and more light and more letting go. So you have these octaves in which there’s the higher self and the lower self, which bounce around to create a certain degree of confusion. You haven’t yet, in your dreaming, merged the higher with the lower.